A few circumstances lately have gotten me down. Stupid stuff at work, frustrations with not being able to be at home with Joseph when I'm on call, not having good friends here yet that I can talk to...etc. One of these things by itself may not cause a mini meltdown, but put them together, and you have me once a week. When I really let myself dwell on our situation, it makes me long to go back home to Alabama. It would be so much easier if we could stay in Birmingham for dental school, wouldn't it? We wouldn't really be missing out on anything if we hadn't moved. At least that's what I'm saying to myself.
So why? Why is God putting us through this challenge of moving away, seemingly alone? The truth is that we're not alone. If only we would stop for a minute to realize that he has us and he's NOT letting go for a second, no matter how much I want to control this situation. We are here for a reason, and I've had a few glimpses of it already.
Getting used to a new environment, new job, new school, and all new people at the same time is tough. Paired with the fact that neither of us has EVER had to do this makes it even harder and more foreign. When I was growing up, I longed to be the "new kid", to be able to start over and have no one really know me and be whoever I wanted to be. Now I want to go back to the people who know me the best. I don't want to make the effort to meet new people and share my life with them. Why? Because it's hard. But you know what? Maybe it's the hardest times that bring us closer together and closer to God. It's not easy, and it's not supposed to be. Getting to know your husband better can sometimes equal getting to know your own sin better, which is rough. Meeting new people and making friends means sharing your life with them, which can be fun and scary all at the same time.
Do we really want to stay in that safe bubble where everyone already knows us? YES. We do. That is our human nature. The less effort required, the better. When you are forced to make that effort, it all becomes a little more clear. We were meant for this. We were meant to connect with others, people who are the same and people who are totally different from us. Why? Because we were created for relationship. God, in his infinite wisdom, created us in his image to be in communion with Him and each other. The further we go away from relationship, the further we go away from God.
I am not saying that I have figured it all out, but I do know this. Once you make that effort, it is REFRESHING! Coming from a totally insecure introvert, I know how hard it is to put yourself out there. The inner dialogue that goes on in my head when I prepare to meet someone is crazy and mostly illogical. Anyway, as I attempt to wrap up my weird tangent, I want to remind myself of who I really am. I am a sinner, and I am reminded more of it every day. But, I am saved and forgiven by a God who sacrificed himself for ME! When I think of what He did, all that I'm going through seems so much less important.
Now that's perspective!